Written 22 August 2024
Sometimes I wonder whether I am ever going to _NOT_ be overwhelmed by everything I have to do as a neurodivergent human. Trying to write this blog, out back of a small cafe in Upwey I have a shiny black raven cawing accusingly at me. Not quite sure what they are trying to say but it sounds smugly like “what the fuck to you know.” I just write that down as a way of just writing, getting back on track with the thought. I have a question to ask of myself, maybe it’s a question you want to ask yourself? “How so I make this life journey enjoyable?” Maybe that opens up another question, “Aren’t we suppose to be living the dream?”
I was remembering that an old acquaintance of mine quipped at me, as I was waxing enthusiastically about starting my own cafe, offhandedly gestured to the chairs and tables filling his own cafe and said quite sourly, “Never make a business out of something you enjoy” The clear inference being that having to do something you love for income will suck all the joy out of it. I think I have come to understand there is truth in that.
I popped into a two open mic’s last night to do a little promo from my upcoming single launch and was chatting to my friend Steve. He runs a pretty successful music venue and he said, “Nobody goes into music to make money anymore, no even on this side of it, (speaking about the venue)” Rotating is fingers around his right ear, made the universal sign of “you gotta be crazy to do this.”
I guess we are all feeling somewhat burnt out by the state of the world, the constant barrage of media, the need to pump out social media “content”, the demonetisation of so many of the income streams for creatives, makes you want to hang your head and cry. I really wonder, often what is driving me to keep doing this? The statement of “Because I love it” is just inadequate.
Really.
It has got to the point where I have had to accept that I am not going to be able to make a living wage doing this, touring costs money, making albums cost money, merch costs money, promotion it always has and it always will. It is still expensive to make great music because making great music takes time and resources. Yes, I could probably make formulaic pop songs on my laptop from my bedroom, maybe that might help boost the bottom line, maybe I could sing covers in a band, earn a bit more but there is a deep artistic problem that is only solved by having the time and the emotional space to create really good songs.
I get really confused when an online music coach says, “you’ve gotta think of what you do as a small business.” in reference to being a musician. I get the point, you have to invoice, sell product and promote and market: all those things are business-like activities, but it just doesn’t make economic sense to do what we do. The life investment will never be repaid and it’s something that can never be sold to someone else. I think we used business tools, but it is not a business. It is an arts practice, especially if you are trying to say something. Businesses are not really vehicles for moral and emotional discovery, their primary goal is to make money and I just can’t do what is necessary as an artist, even with an amazing team, to make this a “successful business.”
I am having to actively reframe what I do and the next step is to find a way to support what I do, ( I am going to explore this in a part 2) because when it boils down to the basics, the core of it is in this:
There is no greater joy than experiencing the feeling, when someone falls head over heals in love with something you have created. When the connections you make creatively fills a persons life with meaning, even for a moment.
Whether it’s connecting with my singing voice, the songs I write or the sounds I make it feels good. When someone can relate to something I have created and I can provide a way for another human being to process an emotional state, it is an incredibly humbling and beautiful experience. I can’t make that a business and the overwhelm comes by trying to shoehorn the largeness of that experience into the cheap seats of the business build.
I really think there are more questions to ask and more insights to arrive.