Is there no greater word in the english language? Greater than love, greater than faith, greater than hope?
Is NO more than YES?
I think so many of us suffer from painful FOMO, the fear of missing out. I know I have been addicted to this potent force and the cure, if I simplify it all down was saying “NO” to things. YES as a concept is sold as being the opener of doors and a signpost to success, a panacea of the 1980 business mindset, where personal sacrifice for the sake of greed was a holy mantra. “JUST SAY YES” Of course, there is a lie included in this mantra, along with a neo-liberal mindset, that that you and you alone are personally responsibly for your own wellbeing, your own success and you can make yourself great if you work hard enough and sacrifice enough, cheat enough, fake it enough and you will somehow make it.” Whatever “it” is.
It is just not true. It assumes so much privilege, it assumes you have capacity and dismisses anyone else that does’t succeed, at least on their terms, as a “loser who didn’t try hard enough.”
It’s the same blunt stick that Reserve Banks around the World use to control interest rates. “Fuck over enough people and the Holy Economy will lift everyone up.” it might may macro sense, but I think it is really just nonsense. It is just putting the economy before people and making it the most important thing in the hope that the privileged few are granted a good life at the expense of the most marginal, bathing in the hope that these few will benevolently provide life support through gritted teeth.
It’s maybe on the surface a weird comparison, but really it goes to a theory that someone shared with me about the Blue Ocean vs the Red Ocean. I won’t really go into it in depth, and in some ways I think it still misses the mark as it still focuses profit over people but it has some useful principles. (I am providing a link at the end for further research if this interests)
I think more in terms of principles to live by and so far I have come up with these. Feel free to add your own.
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- Find and back yourself, even if no-one else does
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- Find a community that celebrates and nourishes you, as much you can celebrate and nourish others.
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- Work on understanding and building your strengths: They are a gift
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- Work on understanding and cherishing your weaknesses: They are a gift
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- Work on developing great boundaries
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- Remain humble and curious
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- Intuitively build your team with whom you can invest emotionally and build strong connections with healthy boundaries.
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- Have fun with your life, it’s the only one you get.
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- Invest in others, even if you will never see a benefit to yourself. especially if you will never see a benefit for yourself.
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- Only invest in other within your emotional capacity you have built. You are as amazing and beautiful as everyone else and you are worth investing in.
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- Assume kindness in every interaction. Your boundaries are your armour. Most people act out of their fear and need for safety. Be a safe person for yourself first.
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- There is no magic formula and you are prone to cognitive bias as much as the next person. Stay humble. Everyone gets emotionally triggered. Take a breath and observe before acting if you can.
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- Love deeply, know your attachment style, embrace it warmly until it is no longer necessary for safety.
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- Learn when and how to say No and Yes.
Red Ocean vs Blue Ocean (Cascade App Website)